The New Life

So it's been well over a month since my last post, and I think by now it is safe to say that I have a pretty good grasp of my new life (well at least for now, until Megan moves down here). So far, despite my promise to try and embrace this new opportunity, I'm still really not that into it. I mean, don't get me wrong, for a city I like Alexandria and D.C. has so much to offer. And the people I work with truly are great (without question they are the single best part about my new life) but something about it just doesn't feel right. I pursued a career with the government because I have this never ending urge to "serve", and one of the key things that everyone mentioned when I first met them in Vegas was the sense of pride they had in serving our troops ("those who serve our country"). However, since my arrival, I don't feel like I have done anything to serve anyone outside my building (and I hardly feel like I have accomplished anything for the people within my building either). It's hard to stay motivated when your job is to come in and search through doctrine to create a diagram that will likely never be seen by anyone outside my group, and then will very likely be shelved as a deliverable that no one asked for. I mean, I do have some work for a contractor which may be promising, but its still pretty much tech work and not really what I thought I was getting myself into. I relate more to the intelligence community than I do to the engineers, but unfortunately I was brought in to kind of bridge the gap between those 2 communities and I don't think that anyone really believes that's possible... people are just fighting change, and I have a very strong fear that the project I am on will fail to amount to anything useful, will lose funding, and then I will no longer have a place in this organization unless I learn a programming language or something. And to be honest, I think I would rather be jobless then become a strictly tech guy (and no offense to those of you who enjoy the tech stuff. You do great things; it's just not for me). So I guess we'll see what happens... I hope that when I eventually move myself into an administrative position (project leadership, etc.) then things will become a little more fulfilling for me, and maybe that will change things for the better... but for now it's becoming difficult to push myself through the day. I just have to keep reminding myself that I came in during a "transitional period" and that once things get moving under the new leadership, I'll have a chance to begin shaping the project myself and hopefully then I will have more of a personal investment in my work.

Other than that, life has really been pretty good. This weekend was Oktoberfest at the base and it was a great time... good food, live music, and several of my work colleagues who we're very enjoyable to hang out with. I have also recently fallen into a new camera, so I have decided to work on photography as a new hobby. One of my fellow colleagues, Jason, is an avid photographer so hopefully he can show me a few things and I can stimulate my creative side a little after work. Hmmm... I don't think much else noteworthy has happened, except for a few trips into the district. Last weekend there was a buffalo wing competition to support the D.C. Firefighters Burn Foundation, so I happily contributed to that worthy cause and got several hours of great food to boot. Alan also dragged me into the District that weekend as well to show me a little of the D.C. nightlife, which was also a good time... and happily there are no major noteworthy stories (read "arrests") from that evening.

So yeah, as you can see I really have very little to complain about regarding this new life, other than the fact that something just doesn't feel right. I miss the nature. I miss long rides through the lands "inbetween the places". I miss just walking the shoreline when I was bored, and working my thoughts to the shallow crash of waves against the docks. I miss the feel of a small town with a shared history. D.C. definitely has a history but it's a transitional one... I get the feeling that people come to serve their time and then depart (much as I myself plan on doing), and then the next group comes in and remakes the wheel the way they see fit. It's a healthy business model I suppose since there will always be jobs correcting the previous groups "mistakes", but I often have the feeling of "nowhere" when I am here. Maybe it's just because I don't have a history here... but on second thought, it bothers me that I cannot find a "local neighborhood bar" anywhere around me. Where do the people who actually live here go? Isn't there a place that's not themed or geared for tourists? The local places are where you find the true feeling of the town... and frankly I'm not sure it exists here, at least not as I understand it (although I must accept that a shared transitional history is still a shared history, and it may just be something that I don't enjoy that others here do). Anyway, it was not my intention to rant about this tonight, but I suppose it's good to let the heart guide every now and then...

So, anyway, with that I end tonight and as always promise to try and provide more updates more often, but as always you should expect that I will fail in this task... so look back in a month or so and hopefully I'll have something new by then :). Until then I will say goodnight to dream of my small town life by the lake, and wonder if I'll ever be able to achieve it happily... friends by my side and a happy Megan... or if our desires are so different that compromise will take us places that neither of us wish to be... but I suppose that if we are lucky, we'll at least be together on the journey through nowhere. Hopefully that will be enough. I'm just not sure, but I suppose the uncertainty is life.

The Idea of Marquette

So, like most of my posts I have written and rewritten this post several times, each time losing focus and ranting extensively on a topic that was not my central focus when I began. As I mentioned in my last post, these last few weeks and travel and transition have given me a lot of time to think about things: broadly the past, where I am now, how I got here, and where I am going. I keep retuning to this concept that I am going to refer to as “the idea of Marquette”, and I’ll explain why I call it that in a little bit. It’s actually a theory about relationships, and this applies both to relationships between multiple people and relationships between people and non-human entities. This theory originated back in my early years at NMU when a sort-of relationship triangle exploded and many people who were “in love” with other people had their hearts broken. Some of these feelings were so strong that I would say they were bordering on obsession, and that is what interested me at the time. After thinking about it and discussing things with many of the individuals involved, it occurred to me that most people attract themselves not to other people, but to an idea of that other person. We take the partial knowledge that we are given about an individual and we form an emotional bond to it, even though this is highly irrational and many of our preconceived notions about this other person (or who we think this other person is) are often very much false. To some extent this is how most relationships work, and why most fall apart: someone thinks they know a person but eventually the other person acts outside the original person’s preconceived belief of who the second individual really is, and they feel betrayed, etc. As far as my limited experience has been, this idea still stands.

So why am I telling you this? No, Megan and I are not having problems… it is just that I have noticed a lot of similar emotional responses within myself through this most recent transition, and in hindsight, during my transition from Marquette to Oxford. Most of the time I was in Marquette I was depressed and miserable. I had a few good friends (great friends actually) but generally speaking I had high expectations of the people that I was going to meet and interact with in college, and for the most part many of them let me down (although admittedly many of them did not know they were doing so, and this is not to pass judgment on any of them… They lived their lives the way they chose to and I respect that; these issues were within me). I was so bummed out with my life at Northern that there were multiple points within my time there that I considered dropping out or moving home, and those feeling had little to do with the school itself. Yet when I moved to Oxford, OH, the only thing I wanted my first semester at Miami was to be back up north. Yeah, I hated most of the people but I missed the feel of the town, the sound and smell of Superior’s nature, and the feeling that we were removed from most of the rest of the world… or at least that is what I thought I missed. In reality I don’t remember if I felt this way while I was there. Most likely I did not and this was my romanticized love for Marquette because I was no longer there; no longer required to deal with the stuff that I didn’t like, face to face, every day. I was simply left to my ideals, and my ideals told me that I would have rather been unhappy with something I was familiar with than deal with the stress of the transition.

Eventually I got passed it and made some great friends at Miami as well. I even learned to love the quaintness of the town and somehow embraced the fact that we were culturally stranded in a Midwestern corn field. Yet it happened again when I moved from Oxford to Alexandria, and that last sentence or two should serve as a proof. Most of the time I was in Oxford I wasn’t happy about it, but it was temporary so I swallowed my discontent and worked through my 2 year sentence. Yet even being consciously aware of that fact I have still spent much of this last week wishing I could be back at Miami. I’m not really sure why I feel this way, but I believe that “the idea of Marquette” followed me again. Things have gotten better after the first week, but the first few days I hated the somewhat sprawling landscape… hated the pace… hated the traffic and the noise… and part of me wanted to justify this all like I did Miami: It’s only temporary. But this time, it’s not. Maybe this specific house, but as far into the future I can see, this town and this job will be my life. I don’t consider myself a commit-a-phoebe, but that’s kind of a scary thought for someone who has lived “in transition” for the past 6 years. I suppose all life is transition though, ever changing…

Anyway, I am not really sure where that was intended to go but those were some of the thoughts that I have been having since I got here. As before, things are already getting a little better and I am sure it is only a matter of time before I find my comfort here, but I couldn’t help but laugh at myself when I realized that I was treating my old lives like lost girlfriends: idealizing their characteristics and believing there could have been a future when everything inside told me it couldn’t last while I was there. It’s time to move forward though. As hard as it can be for me to not look into the past sometimes and ask myself “what could have been?” I suppose this opportunity, this experience, is most important now. My new goal is to try and embrace the new opportunities I get every day, even when change is not desired. Don’t sacrifice the gift of change; this is my challenge now.

A Transitional Update...

Well it's been over a month and a lot has happened, yet nothing really noteworthy enough to post about. I finished up work at Buhr for the summer, and then proceeded to move stuff from OH to MI, from MI to OH, and from both locations to my new place in VA (which I just arrived at a few days ago). Other than packing and moving, I also had a chance to catch up with friends all across the northern midwest region, sharing a few beers and saying our temporary goodbye's. Besides that, things have been surprisingly uneventful. I did attempt to self-install a hitch on the jeep, which ended up being a week long, glorious disaster which ended when I dropped the jeep off at the dealer and begged them to fix my work the day before I was schedule to leave. Luckily they had the parts I needed and were able to fix and install everything that I worked on for a week, in about 2 hours. After that, the move went smoothly... and for those of you who ever have the chance to make the trip, the route between northern WV and across northern MD is by far one of the most beautiful routes I have ever driven (I do not, however, recommend making the trip with a full trailer and a 4 cylinder vehicle). Once I arrived, my new roommates helped me unload and then we we're off to a house party... not a bad way to be welcomed to the neighborhood. Anyway, I've since moved into my room and am more or less killing time until Monday, when I report for my first day with the Army Corps of Engineers.

So that's that... with the amount of down time I had had recently, there are other things I want to discuss, but more will come when I've had some time to get my thoughts in order...

A Much Needed Update...

Well after a wise crack from my fiance' I suppose it's time for a much needed update. For those of you who don't know yet (which I believe you all do because most of you found this through facebook, and I have kept that updated far better) I did get a tentative job offer from TEC (the D.C. gig). I say tentative because even now, a month into the process, I'm still going through authorization paperwork before my formal start date of August 3rd. My formal title will be Geographer, with a working title of "project intern" until I pass my security clearance. All in all I am really happy to finally have a real job, although it is still a little bit of a bummer because Megan has one more year out in MA and will not be joining me in VA until next spring. We have decided to keep out August 2010 wedding date though so shortly after that we should be a happily married couple. Other than that I can't tell you much more about the job because I'm not sure of the specifics of my project yet, but I'll try to keep you posted with as much as I can legal share, when I know it.

In terms of this summer, things have been well. I just bought my first vehicle. It's a brand new 2009 Jeep Patriot and I absolutely love it. The timing couldn't be better either because I have 2 weeks left working for the city of Ann Arbor and then I have to make a week long trip back to OH to tie up my loose ends down there, before roadtriping to VA to find a place to live... and then back to MI for 1-2 weeks before moving to VA permanently. So those of you in the area who wanted to hang out while I was back in MI, no worries... I'm not running away quite yet. Working the pool has been fun though, although I am working both Cashier and Day Camp now so I have not had as much time to work on my thesis as I suspected. I have a few days coming up in the near future here though so hopefully I will be able to put the last few changes on it and close that chapter of my life. We'll see... wish me luck.

I suppose that's all I really have for now. Life, as always, is work and more work. I have been spending quite a bit of time with my good friends Matt and Jess, which I am very happy about. I'm still working on trying to get all of my friends recentralized in one place again, but unless I find them all jobs in DC (which is a possibility) it may have to wait a few years before we can work it out. Either way I have really enjoyed seeing them again, as often as I have been. Anyways, as I said that's about all for now. My father just finished the first summer semester at EMU yesterday so we're all going out for a beer in a few... so on that note, I hope all is well on your end, and good night for now. ~Paul

(P.S. I have noticed that there is some delicious irony to this blog by now... I called it "The Good Life..." with the intention of using this as a place to rant about the political, economic, and academic absurdities of the world yet my last few post have been personal and life for me, at least for now, is phenomenal. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before I have good reason to rant again, but for the time being I will simply leave you with that...)

Definitely More of a Blessing

So I'm sitting in my hotel room just outside of D.C., and after my last post (and since my interview was today) I thought it was appropriate to update you all with another post. Despite my hesitations, everything went very well today (or so I believe) and I actually think that I could be very happy here. I even got to take a half hour and re-work some of my research thoughts with two of my potential future co-workers, and one of them mentioned that a good portion of what they do is reading, conceptualizing new ideas, and discussing ways to practically implement them in brainstorming sessions. Moreover, the goal of many of these programs is to find ways to do things (examples: incorporating time sensitive dynamic qualitative data into a quantitative GIS structure) that have never been done before, at least not well. The idea of putting my mind to use towards unprecedented work that could actively reshape the way we utilize geospatial technology is an amazing concept, and although I'm sure its a little over dramatic and idealized as well, those are the goals that these people have and are actively working to achieve. We spend most of our time in the classroom actively discussing the idealized theory of how to change the world, and then most of us leave the institution and accept positions that never really allow us to devote our time to that sort of research and exploration. Here, it seems that I could make a living trying to change things... trying to make them better. I don't know, I guess part of me had accepted that that wasn't going to happen. That I was going to end up taking an office job, or a city position somewhere that would have allowed me to make an impact on peoples lives but that wasn't necessarily going to encourage me to tackle the big questions with any sort of practical output. I'm excited by the possibilities I suppose, and its a world of possibilities that is at my fingertips and not just in the idealized philosophies that I construct on my own time and have now practical output. Anyway, there has not been an offer or anything yet so perhaps I am jumping the gun with this enthusiasm but I left today being very hopeful of the future, and after my last message I wanted to share the happy thoughts with you all as well. And most importantly, thank you to those of you who expressed your support.

Now, the waiting game...

A Blessing and a Curse...

So, God has been kind enough to bless me with a job interview... and I'm really messed up about it. It's with the Army Corps of Engineers in Alexandria, VA, and for those of you who I have kept in touch have probably just realized that it is not in Lowell, MA, where my fiancé' is and where I had every intention of going to when I finished here. I am decidedly not happy about this fact, and despite the thesis defense and a law final I believe this is the real reason I haven’t slept well in two nights and my anxiety is through the roof. Granted, I haven’t actually been offered a job yet but they are flying me out and paying for the hotel room for two nights... all before I ever even applied for a position... so I think I have a few reasons to feel good about this trip. In all honesty it could be one of the few positions that would allow me to do exactly what it is I have been studying to do the last 6 years, yet I am torn because it takes me away from my friends and family in MI and my fiancé' in MA. I'm also torn because I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for out of life yet. Some day’s I think I'm ready for the big leagues; ready to take on D.C. and to try and actually take on the world. Yet some days I miss the slow paced lifestyle of the U.P. where the bulk of my day involved enjoying nature and just trying to make it, living with the land and doing what you can to help your fellow yoopers make it through another day. Especially after the barrage of health issues I have had this year (and subsequently being forced to contemplate my mortality at the age of 24) I'm not opposed to taking a step back and working below my training if it means I can get the chance to live in the same town as my loved ones again. Anyway... I'm really messed up about this because it could be the greatest opportunity I've ever received, but I'm not sure it's what I want right now. I guess I need to wait to see if I even get an offer or not, but I have been thinking a lot about the future and this situation is really starting to weigh on me. I guess I just needed to vent...

Okay, so I lied...

Okay, so I lied in the last post. I came across something worth thinking about before the end of the semester. I was killing time before my law class today and came across this article in the CSM analyzing the "new economy". Thoughts?

http://www.csmonitor.com/2009/0412/p13s01-usec.html

Another Short Update

Since I have received some concerns about my health since the last post (which I appreciate; thank you) I just wanted to post a quick update and let everyone know that apparently the 8 pill cocktail I was on for 10 days did the trick with my lung. Still not entirely sure what happened but I seem to be back to my semi-functional state for the time being. If I can manage to finish my thesis and successfully defend by the end of this semester without stroking out from the blood pressure, I think I'll call this whole grad school thing a success and move on with my life. While it's definitely not where I thought I would be after 6 years of college, I am somewhat excited to be heading back to Ann Arbor for this summer and working at Buhr Pool again until I find a real job. I'm seriously looking forward to a few months of mindless work after 2 years of a theory based marathon. Plus, it's looking like Megan will be back in MI for the summer as well so it will be nice to be in the same state as my fiance' again (even if she will still be 3 hours away... better than 20). Anyway, that is all for now... for those of you who enjoyed the more academic/argumentative portions of this blog I promise to be back up and running with the heavy stuff as soon as this semester is over. Actually, that's another thing I'm looking forward to this summer... reading and talking about the stuff I want to read, and not the stuff I have to read. Bring on that stockpile of quantum theory and game theory books I have been saving for a rainy day... (I know, I'm a dork... can't help it...)

"I need this like I need another hole in my" ... lung?

So, what is one to do when they are up in the middle of the night without the ability to lay down or the proper coherency to conduct real work yet? Update the blog, of course...

First thing first. The AAG conference in Vegas last week was a mixed bag. It was nice to get out of Oxford and to hang out with some of my peers. I had a number of good discussions, reminded myself why it was that I was not pursuing academia as a career anymore, and put atleast 5 resume's in the hands of potential employers (which since there were only about 9 recruitment booths at the conference, and I am not strictly GIS or some sort of engineer, I'm calling a win). That being said, Vegas as a city blows (atleast based on my minimal experience stuck on "The Strip"). However, I'm still convinced that if I could have gotten off the main drag and found some real locals then maybe the place wouldn't have been so bad (Evidence: the guy managing the 7-11 and my waitress at Denny's were cool). Getting back to The Strip though: it is the true definition of a geography of nowhere, even more so than Kuntsler's use of the phrase for the low-density suburban development of the last couple decades. Everything was fake, tacky, shallow... there was nothing that I saw that I could honestly say "this is Vegas". Everything was some sort of sales pitch, or charade' representing something real (i.e. the mini Eiffel tower, or the indoor mini-New York themed casino/mall thing). One might be able to argue that this absence of anything authentic is "Vegas" at it's purest (the pinnacle of consumerist society), however I just cannot bring myself to accept that. Something off the strip has to be worth seeing, and I intend to find it should I ever return. For now though, I'm done having hispanic families (and I do mean families... members of all ages, genders, etc.) trying to sell me prostitution... and for the record, I never once saw an Elvis, which should be a sin on behalf of the Vegas leisure planning industry (and I say that not being a fan of Elvis or his music in any way, shape, or form).

I feel like I am getting long winded without a real point here... I must be tired (either that or I am losing the fight to the pain medication. The bottom line, I guess, is that I really like places to have an authentic character to them, and Vegas (or atleast the part I saw) most certainly did not. Perhaps that is why I loved the U.P. so much. Each town up there was about as authentic as you can get... a rich history of people doing what they could to survive. It meant something to be a yooper. It did not (or atleast did not appear to) mean anything to call the Vegas strip home. Anyway, that was Vegas... Perhaps I'll write more as thoughts become more coherent. Despite my dislike of the strip there is truly something awesome (meant in the true sense of the word, and not the slang vernacular) about how we can operate such a monstrosity in the middle of what is truly a dessert.

Other than that life has continued to throw me curve balls. I'm not sure if it is something I picked up in Vegas or if I sustained some sort of injury in a mid-night seizure of some sort but I managed to pinch a nerve in my shoulder and upper back, as well as do something to my right lung so that right now I am essentially operating on just over 1 lung and cannot lay down (because of the pain). Worst case scenerio the Dr. Say's I might have popped an air sack and that I might have a slow leak in my lung... but for now we're hoping its just an infection of some sort. Anyway, so I've been trying to sleep in my broken lazyboy, which has not been working well, but does get us back to my opening line about why I am up far later than my "old man" bedtime (or so Megan likes to call it). I will try not to complain too much, but between my broken computer, the cancer scare, the hypertension and high blood pressure, and thrown lower back (again), and now the lung thing... it's been one hell of a semester. I've always been a big guy with some obvious health concerns (i.e. weight) but I have typically been really lucky with my health. I guess God decided I was due for a few problems I guess. Anyway, I will take the hand I am dealt and do what I can with it, but in case any of you thought you saw me wheezing somewhere between my apartment and my office yesterday I just want to let you know that you were right... That was all me.

Okay, enough late night personal ranting for now... I really want to say I will come back with another interesting article/stance on current events but I'm supposed to graduate in 6 weeks and it’s not looking like I'm going to make it... so you may hear from me again, or I may fall off the face of the Earth until everything is done. We'll see. The one thing I can promise you is that I am definitely interested in planning a short vacation for when I finally finish this M.A. thing, so let me know if you want in on my travel plans and I'll try to stop by to see you.

For now, (*short breath issues) I say "Good (*short breath issues) Night"

A Pause For Irish Celebration

So it’s been a little while since my last post, and to be honest, not much has really happened... at least nothing that has inspired a new rant against the world... but it’s gorgeous outside, its St. Patty's day (the mother of all great holidays), I'm on Black and Tan number 3, and I couldn't be in a better mood right now. I made a trip to Lowell/Boston last week to see my fiancé' over spring break (for those interested, we are still holding strong and happy together, despite the almost 2 years of distance. We're beating the odds, and therefore the odds and stick it...) and I now understand why she wants to keep her job out there. She has a great group of people out in Lowell and I hope that I can find work out that way so she can keep her job and we can make enough money to live. Then, I came back to Ohio just in time to catch the St. Patty's day celebration in Cincinnati on Saturday and saw some wonderful authentic Irish celebration with some of my great friends here at Miami. Things then got back into full swing and now I'm putting together my presentation for the AAG national conference in Las Vegas next week and, as before, enjoying some amazing weather over some of the greatest product Ireland has to offer. So, to change the pace of this blog some more, I just wanted to tell you all that life is good (at least for the day since I have let my anxiety subside) and I hope you all take some time to enjoy life today as well. And, I guess with that... Cheers!

A Beautiful Memory

So I know I have taken this blog thing as kind of a ranting space, which has been helpful to me at times, but I also know that this makes this blog something of a downer to read (besides the fact that I am usually so busy that I fail to follow up on my intentions... i.e. the New School/NYU discussion). Anyway, a little while back I was flipping through some blogs of old friends on mine from High School and I realized that perhaps I should put something a little more personal in here, since perhaps some of you may be interested in who I have become over the last 6-7 years, as I was with the people who's blogs I was flipping through. I wrote a couple of different draft post but most of them were insanely long and tended to lose focus about half way through, so they never made the cut. Today, however, I'm writing just because I feel the need to talk and hopefully the thoughts on my mind will provide that personal insight I was hoping for.

So, yesterday I was informed that my summer funding was no longer a guarantee and that, despite the fact that I have an apartment lease through August, I will not likely have an income if I am forced to stay in Oxford to finish my M.A. this summer. Moreover, I am scheduled to present my work at the national conference of the AAG in Las Vegas in a few weeks and I have not come close to finalizing my conclusions. I am in a high stress long distance relationship with my with fiancé' who is roughly 1100 miles away, and since we are both broke we are about to enter an even higher stress period of our relationship since we are not sure when or how we might ever manage to get jobs in the same city again with this economy. Finally, this semester I was informed that at the age of 24 my anxiety had finally caught up to me and I now have hypertension, so all this stress could, in all reality, actually kill me. I know this seems like a bit of a downer start when I started this post saying that I didn't want it to always go in that route, but the reason I say this is because I am at that point where I'm breaking down (not worries, its temporary... happens most semesters as I’m sure any one of you who have been through college understands) and, as I did back in High School, I find myself drowning myself in music. I came across this version of the song "Hallelujah" this morning sung by the MSU Accafella's group and to be really honest, I just want to share it... so here is the link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bHLf7VIbU). It’s one of my all time favorite songs, and it's a pretty good version of it. Most importantly though, it’s done accapella and I think music done this way is one of the most beautiful things in the world (which is part of the reason I managed a recital hall for 2.5 years at Northern Michigan University.... this, and the live Jazz music). Besides this song though, it also reminded me of time in what I believe was my senior year in H.S.... whatever year the chamber singers was all girls for a semester. Whatever year it was, they performed an accapella version of Carol of the Bells for the holiday performance and, honest to God, it was so beautiful that it sticks with me to this day. I knew many of these women personally, and I knew they were talented, but something about that song that day that... I don't know. I'm truly at a loss of words. All I can say is that, despite my relative popularity in the theater, these singers were the kids that I wished I could be... these women were the one's that placed on a pedestal and didn't honestly think I was good enough to share a stage with. Anyway, when I heard this song this morning it reminded me of that day, and how if there was any one thing that I ever truly wanted in life it was to move or inspire people the way the Chamber women inspired me that day. Many times I get criticized for romancing my high school years, but to be honest there was something about those 4 years that have not been replicated in my life since. I know they were not perfect times but passion and inspiration was a daily part of my high school life. The people I spent the majority of my time with were dedicated to becoming better people, and trying to change the world to make lives better. Theater became a space for shared experience and discussion; a space to drop your insecurities and embrace the dream of a better world we all had inside. We had big plans, and from our opinions, enough talent to at least make an impact. There was a unity that we had, despite our differences, that truly made us believe that a better world was possible... and when I entered college, the supposed realm of theoretical-idealist exploration where we were to learn the upper levels of our dreams and ambitions, it was all lost. I really only met 2 people in college who were dedicated to trying to become better people and to inspire in others to change the world. So, despite the claims of many of my friends, I actually think that High School has been the best 4 years of my life thus far. I hope it doesn't stay that way, and I hope someday I can find the ability to inspire people the way that this small group of women inspired me 7 years ago, because I still believe it’s possible despite the daily negativity that my academic field bestows on me... and maybe music has an important role to play... who knows... but I hope some day to work with a group of people this passionate again.

Anyway, in the midst of my academic distress I came across this song, and this memory, and it's managed to put a smile on my face so I wanted to share this little piece of me. And if any of the Chamber women happen to read this, thank you.

The NYU Occupation

Since the eruption of the Greek Anarchist riots last fall, I have been following (as best I can given the restricted nature of the material, even within our nation of free speech) the increasing acts of protest that have been slowly building across the world. One of the closest has been the New School occupation in New York, which has been occurring since last fall as well. I have decided that these transgressions should be my next topic of discussion, however at this moment I only have enough time to post an e-mail I received this morning through one of the many listserv's I am a member of. I will give my comments on this later, but for now I just want to continue to spread these sentiments... not as my beliefs, but as an emerging movement that should at least be noticed:

Exiled in NYU: A communiqué from within the NYU occupation.
At the dawn of the New School occupation last December, we wrote, “This is only the beginning.”

We weren’t joking.

We are now occupying the halls of NYU alongside their students. With our bodies and barricades, we continue to manifest ourselves as a force of interruption against the enforced passivity of the university.

This occupation arises at a time of economic turmoil. The current crisis of capital is no fluke; it is the result of the real social conditions in which we live. NYU, one of the largest property owners in New York City, is a clear perpetrator of the misery everyone now feels. It has no alibi, only vulnerabilities.

From the insurrection in Greece to the revolts of Eastern Europe, from the university occupations across England to the general uprising in Oakland, something is in air. We can’t name it, but we can all feel it. Uncompromising, our power is growing. What has started as a singular strike against the structure of NYU’s form of domination will become a strike against the general logic of domination.

When we occupy spaces and liberate their use, we appropriate for ourselves the means of our very existence. We find each other here and now, in the midst of conflict and crisis, overturning every role we’re given, annulling every attempt to reconcile.

This is how we learn. This is how we fight.

In Exile,
Students of the New School
Feb 19th, 2009

"The Merchants of Cool"

So I have been notoriously hardnosed when it comes to controversial material, especially related to the darker material that often comes though my line of academic inquiry (for example, after watching a documentary on factory farming of chicken I was the only one to not turn vegetarian, at least for a short period of time. As a matter of fact, I went home that night and made chicken). However, I just watched a movie in class today that honestly made me sick to my stomach. It's not necessarily new material (the film was actually aired in 2001) and it concerned a topic that I have had many discussions about (media and the comodification of culture), but I think seeing the direct connection between the theory and the media that directly influenced my High School years, and ultimately who I was at that point in my life, really hit home. So I encourage anyone with an hour to sit down and work though this documentary called "The Merchants of Cool" (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/cool/) and then respond to this post with any feedback you might.

The film speaks for itself, but I did want to say that at about 50min into the documentary it discusses the relationship between media and the re-/production of society, and I could not help but remember what MTV was like when I was in High School and then compare it to the shit my brother watches on MTV now, and I can see a direct relationship between the type of people we were producing then and the type of people we are producing now (especially in the influential teen age range), and it really shouldn't be any wonder that our society is turning to cheep, comodified shit. I think the take home point here is a clear understanding of how much media influences the population and ultimately shapes the next generation... and that maybe we should look beyond the dollar sign and be a little more conscious with our social management (and let's be honest, the effect of the media on society is well understood and has been utilized continuously through marketing as a form of social management... its called Marketing and Advertising, and you can actually get a degree in it).

No Code For Old Men (a brief critique of fiscal zoning)

(I'm still sort of working on a much more elaborate critique of this but, at least for the purpose of the blog, I have moved on in my thought experiments and figured I should at least get up a short version while its still fresh in my mind... so here it is...)

So as I mentioned in the last post I was working on a very elaborate criticism of fiscal zoning and how, if expanded, it could effectively serve to eliminate local competition by protecting already established industry and preventing new business owners from being able to enter the market. In a very traditional economic sense, limiting the potential for competition would deter developers from creating new and better products since there would be no potential to make a profit from them (unless they sold them through already established retailers, in which the necessary markup required to provide both parties a profit would render the product unaffordable to the standard public). This completely undermines the fundamental aspect of capitalism. Moreover, even if developers are inspired to create new and better products, this regulation prevents new entrepreneurs from entering the markets that have been protected by fiscal zoning, which for some developers would be the market to which their product is best suited. Having multiple markets protected could effectively stagnate competition (at least within the regulated geographic/political area), and in turn remove a potential entrepreneurs right to try and better him/herself through the market (which was a major part of the original belief that each individual was entitled to a right to pursue life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness). By removing the ability to enter the competitive market we have then effectively stagnated society and removed the potential for individuals to change social class (which, I will argue, is still relevant despite the fact that, at least in theory, we claim not to be a class structured society. While maybe not in the traditional sense, I believe our informal economic segregation could argue otherwise). My point being that, in a capitalist society, fiscal planning would, at least theoretically, lead to a stagnated society representative of the traditional European class structure from which our forefathers ultimately fled.

Taking the thought experiment a step farther, I also find it interesting that this class structure hierarchy from which we fled served as a foundational cornerstone for the enlightenment era’s political and philosophic obsession with private property (a principle still heavily relevant in our modern society), from which the desire to protect individual property led to the subsequent development of land use zoning… the same tool that has since justified the use of fiscal zoning and now holds the growing potential to reinstate the political/societal framework from which our forefathers considered detrimental to human liberty. While I openly admit there are a lot of theoretical IF’s in this thought experiment I do think it’s important to note the potential impact that currently acceptable governmental regulation can have. Fiscal zoning is continuing to grow in popularity and the government has stated, through judicial rulings, that this is an acceptable use of police power. While I have a lot of passion for the theoretical foundation of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness it seems that over time we’ve allowed (and continue to allow) our freedoms to be compromised for the guarantee of comfort. Without challenges, without competition, we lose sight of our goals to try and be better people, a better society. We have lost sight of the endless pursuit of perfection and settled on a system with vast, obvious, flaws…

When I started writing this I did not consciously intend to come back to the main point of my first post, but apparently I have. I do think it’s an important one though… why settle with imperfection? Appreciate what we have, yes, but never lose the challenge of trying to make it even better. And I also feel that I should (for those of you who do not know we personally very well) explain that I am not universally against the existence and regulation of government. Not in the least. I just believe that we have gone astray, and that government should serve as a tool of the people… all people… and not as a tool to suppress the people. More importantly, I believe that a better government, and a better society, is actually possible… we just need to accept the fact that it will be difficult, that it will be time consuming, and there will be some initial hardships, but ultimately we can do better. We don’t need to settle…

Southeast Michigan at its Finest

First and foremost, my apologies for the delay. I made a personal promise to try and kick out a new post at least every week, and as you should be able to tell by my first two posts, have fallen flat on my ass. I suppose that’s the result of trying to maintain side projects in the final semester of my M.A. Anyway, I finally got on a rant again after a very good friend of mine called me and told me to check out an editorial that was posted in the Detroit Times today. Below is a copy of an e-mail that I sent out to my co-workers and Urban/political friends (and if there are any Urban/Political people I did not send this to but would be interested in future e-mails of similar nature, feel free to let me know). Anyway:

A close friend of mine back in MI just called me about this article. In the past he and I have talked about our country's current global focus and how our infrastructure was not only failing, but contributing to the decline of the American Society. I understand that many academics hate phrases like that because, yes, I am intentionally making a very deliberate, value laden statement about what is good for America and it's society, but when our political structures are producing populations like the one depicted in this article I believe I would be hard pressed to find anyone to defend this scenario as anything other than a tragedy and a warning flag.

It’s a story I feel should be shared, especially to anyone who believes that we, as Americans, are progressing as a society. This is not just a single incident but rather a brief insight into the type of people we, as the only consciously rational species on the planet, have chosen to become.

Frozen in indifference: Life goes on around body found in vacant Detroit warehouse
http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090129/METRO08/901290400

I think after my last rant, and this e-mail, it should be at least somewhat obvious as to what my response was. If you have any thought's or comments on my words or the piece, please let me know. I'd be really interested in hearing people's opinion on our current "State of Society".
- Paul

(P.S. You can expect another post soon. I'm taking a Land-Use Law class right now and I've developed some pretty strong thoughts on Fiscal Zoning)

Where have all the good men gone?

So, I'll forego the usual first-post intro because this is the third attempt I've made at starting a blog and I'm fairly certain no one has read any previous attempts, so I'll assume that no one will probably see any of these either. I was inspired to start this third attempt after a conversation I had with an old friend last night, in which we had a great deal of in-depth discussion on the state of the world, an idealized improvement, and socio-cultural traditions of past. And, in the end of it all, I have to ask "where have all the good men gone?". This is, of course, to assume that good men in fact did once exist, which I prefer to believe they did. I'm not really sure where this is going, but I guess I just want to say that I am a little disappointed at the moral fabric of our society at the moment. Where did chivalry go (and no, I don't assume chivalry to be a force working against woman's rights but rather the general respect that men used to have for the opposite sex)? Where did fraternity go (and no, I don't consider the media's version of beer-pong frat boys as an acceptable "new" version of fraternity, but rather the genuine brotherhood that used to be a common occurrence that established bonds of trust and love between men)? Why is individualized success at the failure of others considered a positive and motivational force within our society? Or better yet, I think we've gotten to the point where it is not even the success of the individual that’s important anymore, but rather the sheer image of success of the individual as recognized by the "society" to which the individual really doesn't even belong because individualized success stems from a projected image that the individual does not need the society any longer, or is perhaps above the rest of the populous. The current green movement in our society is a perfect example since it seems that, despite global environmental change companies are only changing the bare minimum in their industries so they can legally present themselves as "green" and supposedly helping the cause, when in reality the bottom line focus has always been the financial/economic profit margin. Doesn't it seem a little strange that we, the only species on the planet that has the ability to reason, allows our species to live and die by a cultural invention involving the trade of a paper product? I will be the first the admit that the industrial revolution and free trade competition has given us many things, many of which I am thankful for and many of which I take for granted daily and would probably be very lost without. But at this point in history shouldn't we at least consider the possibility that maybe bigger and better is not always the way to go? Globalization has caused millions of jobs to be lost in the name of efficiency and profit and yet we turn our heads at the millions now without jobs and call it progress. What would happen if we scaled back and relocalized, creating millions of jobs again and kept money in a localized economy where money wasn't constantly being shipped to another country, and actually benefited American business? Things would cost a little more, admittedly, but more jobs would available and more money could be made by Americans. It’s the way we solved the Great Depression: we created more jobs. And in regards to the more expensive local product cost, I would argue that we have so much shit already that we have already lost the ability to appreciate the things we already have available. For example, last night my friend and I talked about a set of WWII period diaries that had been recovered and how they operated as a sort of sociological incite to a previous generation. The reason that story is relevant because it talked about the diaries and the authors set of hand tools that were also present on the table in which the books were found, and their importance to the family; the heirlooms to be passed down to the next generation. The objects were a matter of pride for this family and they meant something to them, where now and days these objects... these tools of creation... are common place and created so cheaply that you can put together a small set at the local dollar store for under $10. Is this really a good thing? Were so concerned about the dollar that we specifically design objects to fail at a certain point so people have to buy them again, to waste money and finite resources, all to encourage the trade of paper which furthers the divide between the rich and the poor and has caused a severe sociological shift that has led to a society that no longer cares about the quality of its tools or craftsmanship. We're a throw away culture and I believe this is now showing through us as a people as well. A lack of care for anything more than ourselves and the trade of paper. And another interesting concept that we discussed last night was the concept of the individual, and how we don't even do that well anymore. The native cultures had a wonderful structure where families were devoted to showing their children the way to become individuals who focused on growth and personal development, yet always maintaining an appreciation for the group, the society through which otherwise their species could not survive. Instead, today, we support this idea of the individual without the notion that we should promote personal development... we just want people, and preferably dumb people, that can be manipulated and controlled by other individuals for their success (or perception of success as discussed earlier in this post). And this is a particularly terrifying concept when we consider the fact that, in this, the world’s most apparently successful democracy, each person has an equal say in the power and decisions (which should be called into question as well since, as elections have shown, the popular vote is not always the deciding factor in our democracy). Anyway... as mentioned before I am not really sure where all this is going but in this time of apparent "Change" maybe we could begin looking back at ourselves, taking stock of what we started as and where have come, and decide what is really important to the only species on the planet that has the ability to reason and create a culture whose every decision radically impacts the world, both physically and politically. Opportunity is here and perhaps its time for real change, not a repackaged version of what we have proven does not work well enough for humanity. So for now I leave you with that and I welcome your thoughts, criticism and critiques...

P.S. And thank you to Natalie Bellers for her conversation that has served as the spring board for this rant and hopefully future additions, follow-ups, and discussions...