The New Life

So it's been well over a month since my last post, and I think by now it is safe to say that I have a pretty good grasp of my new life (well at least for now, until Megan moves down here). So far, despite my promise to try and embrace this new opportunity, I'm still really not that into it. I mean, don't get me wrong, for a city I like Alexandria and D.C. has so much to offer. And the people I work with truly are great (without question they are the single best part about my new life) but something about it just doesn't feel right. I pursued a career with the government because I have this never ending urge to "serve", and one of the key things that everyone mentioned when I first met them in Vegas was the sense of pride they had in serving our troops ("those who serve our country"). However, since my arrival, I don't feel like I have done anything to serve anyone outside my building (and I hardly feel like I have accomplished anything for the people within my building either). It's hard to stay motivated when your job is to come in and search through doctrine to create a diagram that will likely never be seen by anyone outside my group, and then will very likely be shelved as a deliverable that no one asked for. I mean, I do have some work for a contractor which may be promising, but its still pretty much tech work and not really what I thought I was getting myself into. I relate more to the intelligence community than I do to the engineers, but unfortunately I was brought in to kind of bridge the gap between those 2 communities and I don't think that anyone really believes that's possible... people are just fighting change, and I have a very strong fear that the project I am on will fail to amount to anything useful, will lose funding, and then I will no longer have a place in this organization unless I learn a programming language or something. And to be honest, I think I would rather be jobless then become a strictly tech guy (and no offense to those of you who enjoy the tech stuff. You do great things; it's just not for me). So I guess we'll see what happens... I hope that when I eventually move myself into an administrative position (project leadership, etc.) then things will become a little more fulfilling for me, and maybe that will change things for the better... but for now it's becoming difficult to push myself through the day. I just have to keep reminding myself that I came in during a "transitional period" and that once things get moving under the new leadership, I'll have a chance to begin shaping the project myself and hopefully then I will have more of a personal investment in my work.

Other than that, life has really been pretty good. This weekend was Oktoberfest at the base and it was a great time... good food, live music, and several of my work colleagues who we're very enjoyable to hang out with. I have also recently fallen into a new camera, so I have decided to work on photography as a new hobby. One of my fellow colleagues, Jason, is an avid photographer so hopefully he can show me a few things and I can stimulate my creative side a little after work. Hmmm... I don't think much else noteworthy has happened, except for a few trips into the district. Last weekend there was a buffalo wing competition to support the D.C. Firefighters Burn Foundation, so I happily contributed to that worthy cause and got several hours of great food to boot. Alan also dragged me into the District that weekend as well to show me a little of the D.C. nightlife, which was also a good time... and happily there are no major noteworthy stories (read "arrests") from that evening.

So yeah, as you can see I really have very little to complain about regarding this new life, other than the fact that something just doesn't feel right. I miss the nature. I miss long rides through the lands "inbetween the places". I miss just walking the shoreline when I was bored, and working my thoughts to the shallow crash of waves against the docks. I miss the feel of a small town with a shared history. D.C. definitely has a history but it's a transitional one... I get the feeling that people come to serve their time and then depart (much as I myself plan on doing), and then the next group comes in and remakes the wheel the way they see fit. It's a healthy business model I suppose since there will always be jobs correcting the previous groups "mistakes", but I often have the feeling of "nowhere" when I am here. Maybe it's just because I don't have a history here... but on second thought, it bothers me that I cannot find a "local neighborhood bar" anywhere around me. Where do the people who actually live here go? Isn't there a place that's not themed or geared for tourists? The local places are where you find the true feeling of the town... and frankly I'm not sure it exists here, at least not as I understand it (although I must accept that a shared transitional history is still a shared history, and it may just be something that I don't enjoy that others here do). Anyway, it was not my intention to rant about this tonight, but I suppose it's good to let the heart guide every now and then...

So, anyway, with that I end tonight and as always promise to try and provide more updates more often, but as always you should expect that I will fail in this task... so look back in a month or so and hopefully I'll have something new by then :). Until then I will say goodnight to dream of my small town life by the lake, and wonder if I'll ever be able to achieve it happily... friends by my side and a happy Megan... or if our desires are so different that compromise will take us places that neither of us wish to be... but I suppose that if we are lucky, we'll at least be together on the journey through nowhere. Hopefully that will be enough. I'm just not sure, but I suppose the uncertainty is life.