Definitely More of a Blessing

So I'm sitting in my hotel room just outside of D.C., and after my last post (and since my interview was today) I thought it was appropriate to update you all with another post. Despite my hesitations, everything went very well today (or so I believe) and I actually think that I could be very happy here. I even got to take a half hour and re-work some of my research thoughts with two of my potential future co-workers, and one of them mentioned that a good portion of what they do is reading, conceptualizing new ideas, and discussing ways to practically implement them in brainstorming sessions. Moreover, the goal of many of these programs is to find ways to do things (examples: incorporating time sensitive dynamic qualitative data into a quantitative GIS structure) that have never been done before, at least not well. The idea of putting my mind to use towards unprecedented work that could actively reshape the way we utilize geospatial technology is an amazing concept, and although I'm sure its a little over dramatic and idealized as well, those are the goals that these people have and are actively working to achieve. We spend most of our time in the classroom actively discussing the idealized theory of how to change the world, and then most of us leave the institution and accept positions that never really allow us to devote our time to that sort of research and exploration. Here, it seems that I could make a living trying to change things... trying to make them better. I don't know, I guess part of me had accepted that that wasn't going to happen. That I was going to end up taking an office job, or a city position somewhere that would have allowed me to make an impact on peoples lives but that wasn't necessarily going to encourage me to tackle the big questions with any sort of practical output. I'm excited by the possibilities I suppose, and its a world of possibilities that is at my fingertips and not just in the idealized philosophies that I construct on my own time and have now practical output. Anyway, there has not been an offer or anything yet so perhaps I am jumping the gun with this enthusiasm but I left today being very hopeful of the future, and after my last message I wanted to share the happy thoughts with you all as well. And most importantly, thank you to those of you who expressed your support.

Now, the waiting game...

A Blessing and a Curse...

So, God has been kind enough to bless me with a job interview... and I'm really messed up about it. It's with the Army Corps of Engineers in Alexandria, VA, and for those of you who I have kept in touch have probably just realized that it is not in Lowell, MA, where my fiancé' is and where I had every intention of going to when I finished here. I am decidedly not happy about this fact, and despite the thesis defense and a law final I believe this is the real reason I haven’t slept well in two nights and my anxiety is through the roof. Granted, I haven’t actually been offered a job yet but they are flying me out and paying for the hotel room for two nights... all before I ever even applied for a position... so I think I have a few reasons to feel good about this trip. In all honesty it could be one of the few positions that would allow me to do exactly what it is I have been studying to do the last 6 years, yet I am torn because it takes me away from my friends and family in MI and my fiancé' in MA. I'm also torn because I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for out of life yet. Some day’s I think I'm ready for the big leagues; ready to take on D.C. and to try and actually take on the world. Yet some days I miss the slow paced lifestyle of the U.P. where the bulk of my day involved enjoying nature and just trying to make it, living with the land and doing what you can to help your fellow yoopers make it through another day. Especially after the barrage of health issues I have had this year (and subsequently being forced to contemplate my mortality at the age of 24) I'm not opposed to taking a step back and working below my training if it means I can get the chance to live in the same town as my loved ones again. Anyway... I'm really messed up about this because it could be the greatest opportunity I've ever received, but I'm not sure it's what I want right now. I guess I need to wait to see if I even get an offer or not, but I have been thinking a lot about the future and this situation is really starting to weigh on me. I guess I just needed to vent...

Okay, so I lied...

Okay, so I lied in the last post. I came across something worth thinking about before the end of the semester. I was killing time before my law class today and came across this article in the CSM analyzing the "new economy". Thoughts?

http://www.csmonitor.com/2009/0412/p13s01-usec.html

Another Short Update

Since I have received some concerns about my health since the last post (which I appreciate; thank you) I just wanted to post a quick update and let everyone know that apparently the 8 pill cocktail I was on for 10 days did the trick with my lung. Still not entirely sure what happened but I seem to be back to my semi-functional state for the time being. If I can manage to finish my thesis and successfully defend by the end of this semester without stroking out from the blood pressure, I think I'll call this whole grad school thing a success and move on with my life. While it's definitely not where I thought I would be after 6 years of college, I am somewhat excited to be heading back to Ann Arbor for this summer and working at Buhr Pool again until I find a real job. I'm seriously looking forward to a few months of mindless work after 2 years of a theory based marathon. Plus, it's looking like Megan will be back in MI for the summer as well so it will be nice to be in the same state as my fiance' again (even if she will still be 3 hours away... better than 20). Anyway, that is all for now... for those of you who enjoyed the more academic/argumentative portions of this blog I promise to be back up and running with the heavy stuff as soon as this semester is over. Actually, that's another thing I'm looking forward to this summer... reading and talking about the stuff I want to read, and not the stuff I have to read. Bring on that stockpile of quantum theory and game theory books I have been saving for a rainy day... (I know, I'm a dork... can't help it...)

"I need this like I need another hole in my" ... lung?

So, what is one to do when they are up in the middle of the night without the ability to lay down or the proper coherency to conduct real work yet? Update the blog, of course...

First thing first. The AAG conference in Vegas last week was a mixed bag. It was nice to get out of Oxford and to hang out with some of my peers. I had a number of good discussions, reminded myself why it was that I was not pursuing academia as a career anymore, and put atleast 5 resume's in the hands of potential employers (which since there were only about 9 recruitment booths at the conference, and I am not strictly GIS or some sort of engineer, I'm calling a win). That being said, Vegas as a city blows (atleast based on my minimal experience stuck on "The Strip"). However, I'm still convinced that if I could have gotten off the main drag and found some real locals then maybe the place wouldn't have been so bad (Evidence: the guy managing the 7-11 and my waitress at Denny's were cool). Getting back to The Strip though: it is the true definition of a geography of nowhere, even more so than Kuntsler's use of the phrase for the low-density suburban development of the last couple decades. Everything was fake, tacky, shallow... there was nothing that I saw that I could honestly say "this is Vegas". Everything was some sort of sales pitch, or charade' representing something real (i.e. the mini Eiffel tower, or the indoor mini-New York themed casino/mall thing). One might be able to argue that this absence of anything authentic is "Vegas" at it's purest (the pinnacle of consumerist society), however I just cannot bring myself to accept that. Something off the strip has to be worth seeing, and I intend to find it should I ever return. For now though, I'm done having hispanic families (and I do mean families... members of all ages, genders, etc.) trying to sell me prostitution... and for the record, I never once saw an Elvis, which should be a sin on behalf of the Vegas leisure planning industry (and I say that not being a fan of Elvis or his music in any way, shape, or form).

I feel like I am getting long winded without a real point here... I must be tired (either that or I am losing the fight to the pain medication. The bottom line, I guess, is that I really like places to have an authentic character to them, and Vegas (or atleast the part I saw) most certainly did not. Perhaps that is why I loved the U.P. so much. Each town up there was about as authentic as you can get... a rich history of people doing what they could to survive. It meant something to be a yooper. It did not (or atleast did not appear to) mean anything to call the Vegas strip home. Anyway, that was Vegas... Perhaps I'll write more as thoughts become more coherent. Despite my dislike of the strip there is truly something awesome (meant in the true sense of the word, and not the slang vernacular) about how we can operate such a monstrosity in the middle of what is truly a dessert.

Other than that life has continued to throw me curve balls. I'm not sure if it is something I picked up in Vegas or if I sustained some sort of injury in a mid-night seizure of some sort but I managed to pinch a nerve in my shoulder and upper back, as well as do something to my right lung so that right now I am essentially operating on just over 1 lung and cannot lay down (because of the pain). Worst case scenerio the Dr. Say's I might have popped an air sack and that I might have a slow leak in my lung... but for now we're hoping its just an infection of some sort. Anyway, so I've been trying to sleep in my broken lazyboy, which has not been working well, but does get us back to my opening line about why I am up far later than my "old man" bedtime (or so Megan likes to call it). I will try not to complain too much, but between my broken computer, the cancer scare, the hypertension and high blood pressure, and thrown lower back (again), and now the lung thing... it's been one hell of a semester. I've always been a big guy with some obvious health concerns (i.e. weight) but I have typically been really lucky with my health. I guess God decided I was due for a few problems I guess. Anyway, I will take the hand I am dealt and do what I can with it, but in case any of you thought you saw me wheezing somewhere between my apartment and my office yesterday I just want to let you know that you were right... That was all me.

Okay, enough late night personal ranting for now... I really want to say I will come back with another interesting article/stance on current events but I'm supposed to graduate in 6 weeks and it’s not looking like I'm going to make it... so you may hear from me again, or I may fall off the face of the Earth until everything is done. We'll see. The one thing I can promise you is that I am definitely interested in planning a short vacation for when I finally finish this M.A. thing, so let me know if you want in on my travel plans and I'll try to stop by to see you.

For now, (*short breath issues) I say "Good (*short breath issues) Night"

A Pause For Irish Celebration

So it’s been a little while since my last post, and to be honest, not much has really happened... at least nothing that has inspired a new rant against the world... but it’s gorgeous outside, its St. Patty's day (the mother of all great holidays), I'm on Black and Tan number 3, and I couldn't be in a better mood right now. I made a trip to Lowell/Boston last week to see my fiancé' over spring break (for those interested, we are still holding strong and happy together, despite the almost 2 years of distance. We're beating the odds, and therefore the odds and stick it...) and I now understand why she wants to keep her job out there. She has a great group of people out in Lowell and I hope that I can find work out that way so she can keep her job and we can make enough money to live. Then, I came back to Ohio just in time to catch the St. Patty's day celebration in Cincinnati on Saturday and saw some wonderful authentic Irish celebration with some of my great friends here at Miami. Things then got back into full swing and now I'm putting together my presentation for the AAG national conference in Las Vegas next week and, as before, enjoying some amazing weather over some of the greatest product Ireland has to offer. So, to change the pace of this blog some more, I just wanted to tell you all that life is good (at least for the day since I have let my anxiety subside) and I hope you all take some time to enjoy life today as well. And, I guess with that... Cheers!

A Beautiful Memory

So I know I have taken this blog thing as kind of a ranting space, which has been helpful to me at times, but I also know that this makes this blog something of a downer to read (besides the fact that I am usually so busy that I fail to follow up on my intentions... i.e. the New School/NYU discussion). Anyway, a little while back I was flipping through some blogs of old friends on mine from High School and I realized that perhaps I should put something a little more personal in here, since perhaps some of you may be interested in who I have become over the last 6-7 years, as I was with the people who's blogs I was flipping through. I wrote a couple of different draft post but most of them were insanely long and tended to lose focus about half way through, so they never made the cut. Today, however, I'm writing just because I feel the need to talk and hopefully the thoughts on my mind will provide that personal insight I was hoping for.

So, yesterday I was informed that my summer funding was no longer a guarantee and that, despite the fact that I have an apartment lease through August, I will not likely have an income if I am forced to stay in Oxford to finish my M.A. this summer. Moreover, I am scheduled to present my work at the national conference of the AAG in Las Vegas in a few weeks and I have not come close to finalizing my conclusions. I am in a high stress long distance relationship with my with fiancé' who is roughly 1100 miles away, and since we are both broke we are about to enter an even higher stress period of our relationship since we are not sure when or how we might ever manage to get jobs in the same city again with this economy. Finally, this semester I was informed that at the age of 24 my anxiety had finally caught up to me and I now have hypertension, so all this stress could, in all reality, actually kill me. I know this seems like a bit of a downer start when I started this post saying that I didn't want it to always go in that route, but the reason I say this is because I am at that point where I'm breaking down (not worries, its temporary... happens most semesters as I’m sure any one of you who have been through college understands) and, as I did back in High School, I find myself drowning myself in music. I came across this version of the song "Hallelujah" this morning sung by the MSU Accafella's group and to be really honest, I just want to share it... so here is the link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1bHLf7VIbU). It’s one of my all time favorite songs, and it's a pretty good version of it. Most importantly though, it’s done accapella and I think music done this way is one of the most beautiful things in the world (which is part of the reason I managed a recital hall for 2.5 years at Northern Michigan University.... this, and the live Jazz music). Besides this song though, it also reminded me of time in what I believe was my senior year in H.S.... whatever year the chamber singers was all girls for a semester. Whatever year it was, they performed an accapella version of Carol of the Bells for the holiday performance and, honest to God, it was so beautiful that it sticks with me to this day. I knew many of these women personally, and I knew they were talented, but something about that song that day that... I don't know. I'm truly at a loss of words. All I can say is that, despite my relative popularity in the theater, these singers were the kids that I wished I could be... these women were the one's that placed on a pedestal and didn't honestly think I was good enough to share a stage with. Anyway, when I heard this song this morning it reminded me of that day, and how if there was any one thing that I ever truly wanted in life it was to move or inspire people the way the Chamber women inspired me that day. Many times I get criticized for romancing my high school years, but to be honest there was something about those 4 years that have not been replicated in my life since. I know they were not perfect times but passion and inspiration was a daily part of my high school life. The people I spent the majority of my time with were dedicated to becoming better people, and trying to change the world to make lives better. Theater became a space for shared experience and discussion; a space to drop your insecurities and embrace the dream of a better world we all had inside. We had big plans, and from our opinions, enough talent to at least make an impact. There was a unity that we had, despite our differences, that truly made us believe that a better world was possible... and when I entered college, the supposed realm of theoretical-idealist exploration where we were to learn the upper levels of our dreams and ambitions, it was all lost. I really only met 2 people in college who were dedicated to trying to become better people and to inspire in others to change the world. So, despite the claims of many of my friends, I actually think that High School has been the best 4 years of my life thus far. I hope it doesn't stay that way, and I hope someday I can find the ability to inspire people the way that this small group of women inspired me 7 years ago, because I still believe it’s possible despite the daily negativity that my academic field bestows on me... and maybe music has an important role to play... who knows... but I hope some day to work with a group of people this passionate again.

Anyway, in the midst of my academic distress I came across this song, and this memory, and it's managed to put a smile on my face so I wanted to share this little piece of me. And if any of the Chamber women happen to read this, thank you.